


Bitter for Sweet

by sleeponrooftops



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponrooftops/pseuds/sleeponrooftops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus finds time to reflect on his life, to reflect on all those that he has harmed and been harmed by.  In his last moments in the Black household, he remembers one in particular that will forever remain a scar and a blossom on his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter for Sweet

There is a thing called hate, and there is a thing called love.  There are things called passion, and things called lust.  There are also things called evil, and things called good.  But, what are these things?  Why was I required to understand them so fully?  And why was I to – what was the word – _feel_ them so deeply?  Yes, that was it.  Feel.  They were feelings.  I was required to have feelings of hatred toward those opposing me, and feelings of love to those with me.  I was to have feelings of passion toward my life and the work within it, and I was to have feelings of lust for the woman set to be my wife.  I was to have feelings of evil toward all those against me, and feelings of good were to be banished.

 

This is how I had been raised. 

 

_Can you tell me what stopped the rain?  
Where is salvation?  
Science, saviors, tragedy?  
May I lead the way into temptation?  
Sirens screaming just for me   
And the void remains.  
  
_

As a boy, I never actually realized how twisted and vile this upbringing was.  Then again, I also never understood how my brother could be so different.  He was always white while I was black, gold while I was silver, good while I was bad.  My parents absolutely despised him.  I also could never see how they could hate someone so great.  I adored my brother.  We spent endless amounts of time together, inside and outside of school.  I got picked on relentlessly because I refused to be mean to him even though we were in different houses.  That was always another thing I never understood.  If all of my family was in Slytherin, why had he gone to Gryffindor?  It didn’t make sense until the day James Potter came over our house to hang out with Sirius.

_  
Would you save, would you save my life  
If you knew, if you knew why this is the last time?  
I'm leaving without you in silence, in silence.  
Could you save, could you save my life   
Had the boy that you knew not died?  
This is the last time.  
I'm leaving without you in silence, in silence._

It was a curious day for me seeing as I was still young, only in my second year.  It was vacation and Sirius was coming home late with his friend, having begged our parents all month to let him come over.  When they came in, I took in James’ appearance.  I’d seen him in school, but not up close and I’d never known he was Sirius’ best friend.

 

He was tall and lanky, his mess of black hair sticking up in odd angles everywhere.  His crooked glasses sat on a small nose.  I could tell why Sirius talked about him all the time.  He seemed just like my brother, awesome in every perspective.  Both seemed to revere the other.  I’ll never forget that day because that’s the day James truly took my brother away from me. _  
  
Can you tell me what stops the pain?  
Self medication?   
Science, saviors, tragedy?  
How deep must we cut to reach sensation?  
Find it. Bring it back to me   
Where the void remains.  
  
_

After that week, Sirius and I hardly spoke.  It was a cruel relationship, and I finally began to realize why my parents hated him so much.  I saw the differences in us.  I saw why how I’d been brought up was so vitally important.  I gained friends after I stopped loving Sirius.  I was finally _popular_ amongst the other Slytherins and not just because I was a Black.  I was like a god the day I started treating Sirius like just another Gryffindor. _  
  
_

_Would you save, would you save my life  
If you knew, if you knew why this is the last time?  
I'm leaving without you in silence, in silence.  
Could you save, could you save my life   
Had the boy that you knew not died?  
This is the last time.  
I'm leaving without you in silence, in silence._

The last time I actually talked to Sirius was the day before I surrendered my life for Voldemort.  We were sitting together under the old apple tree in our backyard, not really talking as we didn’t really know what to say to each other.  It had been so many long years since we’d actually spoken.  This meeting seemed almost foreign.

 

‘Why did you call me here?’ he questioned after some time, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

‘I’m going away.  I wanted to say goodbye.’

 

‘Goodbye, then, I guess.’

 

‘Not like that, Sirius,’ I muttered, sighing heavily.

 

‘There’s nothing really left between us anymore, Reg.  It’s not like we can have a real goodbye.’

 

‘You don’t see how much you mean to me.’

 

‘I know how much I did once.  Those days are long gone.’

 

‘I wish they weren’t.’

 

‘It’s your own damn fault.’

 

Sirius stood, obviously not wanting to have this conversation again.  It was never-ending, the cycle we put each other through, and it was unhealthy, but I don’t really think we could stand being normal… ever.

 

‘Be safe wherever you’re going, Regulus,’ he said sharply before turning and walking away.

 

‘Bye, Sirius.  I’ll miss you,’ I whispered.  He would never hear me.

_Walk with me my one and only  
Find with me the end, the end, oh.  
Walk with me my one and only silence._

Dear Sirius.

 

That seems so formal.  But “dear brother” seems so stiff.  I don’t know how to greet you anymore.  We’re so far apart.  I guess it is my fault.  I got jealous of your friendship with James.  I got jealous because he was taking you away from me.  I know it was silly of me to throw away a brotherhood so carefully drawn just because you had friends.  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  I just never wanted to believe there could be someone just as or more important than your little brother.  I won’t see you again, that I can promise, but know that I love you.  By the time you get this, I’ll be gone, but that’s how I planned it anyway.  Don’t ever forget me.

 

Yours, Regulus.

 

I hoped, someday, he’d read it and remember all the good times.  Because, in the long run, I’ve always loved my brother, no matter what upbringings will say or try to do… _  
  
If you knew, if you knew  
Would you save me?  
Can you tell me what stopped the rain?_

_Can you tell me what stopped the rain?  
Can you tell me what stopped it?  
If you knew  
Would you save me?_

**Author's Note:**

> Very short, but it’s more of a memoir than a story. More of a tribute to the brotherly love that we all know once was there between Reggy and Sirius.


End file.
